As I repeated “I’m not a backbender” for the millionth time to a friend and yoga teacher colleague a few months back she turned to me and said “Betsy that may be your story, but it is not your truth.” It was a casual response, but it hit deep in my soul. Over the past few years I have worked diligently to improve my physical yoga practice in respect to backbends and yet I would continue to preface any work with those same words - I am not a backbender. Here I was taking action with my physical body to change my story and yet my head and heart were still holding on to my old pattern for dear life. No more. I was laying down the line and rewriting this book inside and out.
The great yogi K. Pattabhi Jois has said yoga is 99% practice and 1% theory. For this particular story it was time to turn to the theory. My regular practice had indeed improved my backbends, but my story persisted because I still didn't like backbends. So what gives? It’s that whole heart opener thing. It seems so extroverted…so vunerable…so available…so not me. Well at least anytime I’m in my thinking mind. Aha back to the work of yoga, to quiet the mind.
And so I’ve been quiet on my blog since returning from my summer in Texas as I’ve needed to quiet the mind and tap instead more into my heart day by day. Doing that makes for a bumpy ride, but it’s been worth taking. I’m not ready to say “I’m a backbender” quite yet, but what I can say is that I smile in backbends now and I do savasana with my palms open by my side more often than closed over my chest these days. Those are the little things and I know there are some big things on the horizon that are all very consciously rewriting my story to a deeper truth.