Where do I even start? Was it back in January 2015 when I declared my year’s intention as tortilla soup? I wanted a little of everything, including some spice. I mean what does that really set me up for anyway? That was a sign of my mixed up year for certain, though I know it’s too simple to say it began there. So instead of picking the beginning I’ll choose one ending. As of January 1, 2016, I am no longer the co-owner of Capitol Hill Yoga. After seven years as a small business owner, I decided I needed this change. I love my CHY community and will continue to be a part as both yoga student and teacher. But it has to end there because I need ME more now.
When I first began talking to family and friends about the possibility of this change every single person told me I needed to hold onto the business. That they hated to see me lose something that I poured my heart and soul into. That I couldn’t give up my passion. For a while it seemed like a done deal – I was keeping it. And I almost gave in all the way. I almost listened. I’d wake up in the morning sure that I was going to fight for the business. Then I’d journal, read, ponder and change my mind all afternoon. In the evening I’d welcome students in the studio and feel just as sure as when I woke up that I couldn’t let it go. How could I disappoint everyone?
But something I just could not ignore was the constant sickness I felt during all this confusion. Stress laid on top of first trimester pregnancy (yep you read that right) is not a welcome combination. We are expecting a second child in July. The few clear moments I had in the past two months were in considering the opportunity and limitless possibility that comes with change.
As a person dedicated to service, this was an incredibly difficult decision. I started to see that in fully honoring what I needed I would serve myself and in turn serve others more fully. I so often quote Gandhi’s “Be the change you wish to see in the world.”
This is my change for a low stress pregnancy. This is my action to have a qualified, full maternity leave! This is my way to release my fears of a repeated postpartum depression. This is one change to be a wife and mother (and yoga teacher) more fully present in each moment. This is my new beginning to be a woman more whole to love this life. Time to see what happens.