Earlier this year I stepped away from blogging. Instead, I picked up pen and paper and began filling my journal. I wrote every single day for a bit. And then I wrote less until I wasn’t writing at all. It is easy to say life got in the way or that my priorities shifted, but it is deeper. I felt tied. My thoughts, my hands, my heart. I stalled.
Blow back to end of 2015 I got “out.” I sold my yoga studio and took on my second pregnancy and Luna’s newborn months without too many commitments outside of teaching a few yoga classes a week and being momma. I really, really wanted to be content. But it just wouldn’t stick. As an introvert I feel comfort in solitude and falling to the background, but my equally matched pitta (fiery nature) tugs me to lean in.
I was given the opportunity to jump back into our local business community and started as Executive Director to CHAMPS, Capitol Hill’s Chamber of Commerce when Luna was three months old. Similar to a startup, I’m the single employee and am responsible for the wins and the losses. I love that this job pulls and challenges me to contribute deeply to our neighborhood. Being around local and small business owners on a daily basis is inspiring. These are the people you want to know. They have risked much to start a business and follow their purpose. Local business owners are betting on all of us to spend our time and dollars in our neighborhood – to love where we live.
In fact the inspiration I found from my CHAMPS members was so great that it sort of, kind of, very likely caused my stall. My daily journals were filled with new business ideas along with the pros and cons for each. It was all fun and fueled my day-job, but as I watched my former business shift the words stopped. I didn’t want to process my feelings.
I’d heard whispers that Capitol Hill Yoga would soon be sold or closed. I had continued to teach a weekly class there. The energy had changed and it literally hurt my soul to see it, to feel it. I cried the day in mid April that I told my students I would no longer teach at Capitol Hill Yoga. I really, really thought I was fully walking away and tried to be content in doing so. With the words stopped, I meditated every danged day. It wasn’t a goal or a mission. Meditation was something I had to do. My mantra was akin to; Calm the chatter. Be content.
And then came word that the studio was closing followed very shortly by an offer to open a new yoga studio at the same location. It almost didn’t feel like a choice. I was back “in.” I am still looking for the right words to explain why I was willing to dive back into owning a local service business and be a part of a business partnership. This article from The Atlantic is focused on my partnership with Realignment Studio Founder Alyson Shade and gets to some of it.
You want in business to make practical choices and decisions based on solid plans and budgeting, and while we’ve done our homework on those pieces my jump was from the heart. My heart wanted a home once again in our Capitol Hill neighborhood for practice and community. And my heart ached to build a space for my girls. A space that is as much theirs as it is mine. A space that honors kindness, embraces community, and uplifts everyone. Last week we held Realignment Studio’s grand opening and I felt all the feels. I’m glad I followed my heart on this business decision.
Life is still perfectly mixed up. I am no longer trying to be content. That’s not my mojo. But I am still working hard to find my balance. This month Jason and I did our first serious cleanse. Seven days with lots of kitchen prep, green smoothies and turmeric tonics. No caffeine, alcohol, meat, or dairy. Can’t say I’ll do it again. I didn’t see the amazing benefits (and I just don’t love cooking), but I am happily going strong keeping a green smoothie in my daily diet.
Last week I suffered a few days with my worst migraine ever. Not good. But coming through the backside of that migraine is what made me want to begin blogging again. There is still some gunk below the lotus to work through.
Here’s to being back “in.” The journey continues.