Every December I get a little giddy about the coming opportunity to replace my kitchen wall calendar. In 2014 we were greeted each morning with Stella's Disney Princess calendar which added a certain whimsical quality to enjoy coffee and cereal with Ariel, Belle, Tiana or Aurora each morning. But this year we've returned to the requisite Yoga Dogs calendar ~ because it is the perfect gift for a yogi, dog owner like myself. In any case the act of changing out the calendar to 2015 had me a little aprehensive. I tend to make just about everything a competition, with others (they are mostly unaware of this) and especially with myself. And to boil it down very quickly 2014 was a big year on top for me. 2014 brought game, set, match on my resolves to manage my daily schedule, to train for and run a marathon, and to study and become a certified yogahour teacher. Each resolve was a win in its own right and put in perspective with the muddle of the three years prior I had really come up roses. And too top it off our studio is thriving more than ever. So stepping into 2015 felt scary. I wasn't sure how I was going to top myself this time when my soul was quite possibly asking for a little less.
I spent New Year's Day 2015 just as I had the year before, in our studio packed with yogis gathered to create and embody his or her sankalpa (heartfelt desire) for the new year. I'd walked into the studio that day with a sankalpa that read I am 3/4 full, but in voicing it to my workshop partner I knew that wasn't quite right. My sankalpa couldn't just be to stop doing grandious things, or do a little less of them. That's not who I am. I am 3/4 full revealed my trepidation about stepping out of a really good year without embodying the rich opportunity to build upon the good. And so out goes that sankalpa.
It's now January 29th and as I've fished around for the right sankalpa I am still feeling uneasy. My going statement is I am tortilla soup. For me this means I am full, I am spicy and all the right ingrediants are in order for a delicious day. But I'm having a hard time fully owning this one. Something is still not quite right for what I am looking for this year. Could it be that nothing is abreast? Could it be that I just need to back off myself for awhile? Or is it such a splash that my subconscious is not letting me go there yet?
Within this vunerable state I have found one strong focus for January to reclaim a couple of old habits. I have dedicated five minutes a day for meditation and twenty minutes a day for reading. The five minutes of meditation is perhaps what is leaving me so hungry to claim my aim, my mantra, my guide for the year. It's just enough dip each day to know I need more time. So maybe for February I'll make it 10 minutes a day and see what churns up for me - always a work in progress. Jai Ganesha. Open my way for 2015.