When I rolled out of bed Monday morning I knew I'd need an extra cup of coffee not just to wake up, but to also brush aside the slight nervous anxiety I felt as what I dubbed "Stella and mommy's excellent summer staycation" began. Last Friday Jason and I proudly watched Stella and her fellow 3 year old classmates sing Ram Sam Sam in a family picnic celebration to round out their school year. Though to say my child sang is certainly stretching the truth, but I'll give her benefit of the doubt that she was just singing very softly as she told me afterwards.
And with that our Summer was off and running. Some months ago I decided to save a little money I'd keep my darling and precious daughter home with me this week rather than return right away to summer camp at her preschool. But as the week approached I grew more and more anxious. The memories of Spring Break tantrums were still quite vivid and I considered many times calling the school to say I'd really love to give you an extra $300 for this week too. But I resisted somewhat out of mommy guilt and somewhat out of mommy pride that our summer staycation really would be excellent.
Well it's Friday at 3pm and Stella has been peacefully napping for the past hour. It's safe to say we made it through the week happy and peaceably together, save one epic metro ride tantrum where Stella repeatedly clocked me with the toy kitty I'd bought her an hour earlier. Sorry fellow passengers.
Nobody wants to say that spending countless summer hours and days with your own flesh and blood causes tension or anxiety, but for me that had become the norm and I was pleasantly pleased to break that routine this week.
I was reminded time and again this week that every day that has come before has brought me more assurance, confidence, and wisdom to parent today. Stella and I know each other inside and out, and it was like we had a soul promise to be strong in our own boundaries this week. When that Thursday tantrum happened I knew I was pushing the bounds. We both happily compensated with a quiet day at home today. Another reminder that our time together is about just that, being together. And this week I really was just with Stella. I got just enough work done during her quiet times and kept my commitments to running, yoga practice, and evening activities all minimal.
Next week Stella will return to her preschool and I will return to my daily studio routines prior to my leaving at week's end for an 11 day training trip away. This will be my first extended period away from Stella. I'm both excited and once again anxious for the possibilities that lie in those 11 days for me, and for Stella and Jason's dedicated time together, but I'm confident with our resolve to do all that you can do it's going to be good.
Here's to the summer start where I fell in love again and again, moment after moment, with the excellent person Jason and I are blessed to raise.